Thursday, September 9, 2010

WHO MADE BENITO BERLUSCONI EMPEROR?

I was ignorant of the entire "velina" debacle till I found "Videocracy" on Netflix. By way of heating up the story, Erik Gandinni`s documentary "Videocracy" pokes an unerring finger in the eye of misogynistic media hog, dictator wannabe Slobidan Berlusconi. The systematic marginalizing of women and the deification of wealth and privilege are emblematic of his régime. I jump quickly to Mr Burlusconi`s side and thank him for the reminder that, " Like your chickens, your freedom will wander off if you don`t pay attention to it."


If I understood it correctly, "Videocracy" points out that Rev Burrlesqoni owns or controls 90 percent of Italy`s television stations. What a treasure. I can`t help but notice what a bright and discerning bunch he seems to be influencing. I`m kinda glad "they stand together." It makes them easier to identify and frees up a lot of band-width besides. Please don`t throw us in the briar patch Brer Bearlusconi. Oh wait, that`s where the black-berries are. I bet that guy hates the internet. Yeah, and watch out fer them feral chickens. They`re libel ta bite you in the ass.
..........Aquavelveta...........

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

MY PLUBAR HAS BROKEN


"The birth spasm has begun." Standing ankle deep in our success, Prymaat`s pithy observation brings home the nature of our own somewhat slower unfurling expansion.

Obtuse Cinema has already begun with reviews and clips for several of the odder, more interesting films I`ve watched recently. The list device "Obtuse Cinema`s The Week`s Best Flix Picks" will hold five of the films I`ve liked most lately, and on slow weeks some of my other odd favorites. The new blog will include clips, stills, reviews, and, or trailers for the ones on the list. I`ll also be mentioning some of the ones I didn`t like quite as well. If I hate em I probably wont bother. Anyway, the red envelope has arrived, maybe the Directors mom didn`t write this synopsis.
...........Aquavelveta............

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

GPS VS THE DRUNKEN RABBIT

We had to take Cousin O D along, he was the only one who could keep his laptop from floating away, damn Why-Fly. None of our maps were much good. The glaciers had scraped away most of the roads, and the amazingly fast growing trees seemed to be finishing off the rest in short order. It was a good thing Chatty had driven a company car up there.

It was nearly noon before we found Chatty`s car. Sidual was standing on it. The grass had grown all the way over it. The turf mat wasn`t all that thick, but the grass was over a foot tall on top of it. We could`ve saved our time hacking a way into the car. It was one icky mold palace. I guess Chatty thought he`d be right back. Two of the windows were open. Sidual tried the door and jumped back muttering, "This is nuts." The door was totally stuck. From the smells and growls it was apparent something was living in there. We bailed. I doubt his luggage would have told us anything much in its current state.

According to OD`s laptop, GPS put the phone right where we were right next to the bridge. Fat chance, but OD pushed his way into the brush following his laptop. Sidual with a machete is something I wish I could forget. I guess it could`ve been worse. The brush wasn`t as thick as it looked. There were several large patches of pavement and even a speed limit sign near the drop off. Chatty was no help. He lost his shoes somewhere before we got down to the water. There was no bridge in our crumbly little canyon. I tried Chatty`s cellphone number. We stood still and listened, and heard nothing but birds, and water. "Shh," I said and called again. I thought I could hear his Godzilla ring tone coming from down stream.


"Keep an eye on Chatty and see if you can find something to get a sample of this water in," I told Sidual. I found the cellphone in a sand-bar. Getting it out was a little tricky though. I wasn`t about to step in that water. I`d all ready seen way too much of Chatty. Nobody likes old jello.

I heard a commotion from up-stream. Leaning around the bushes, I saw Chatty coming downstream in a wash tub with Sidual hot on his heels. "Grab him," Sidual shouted. But hell, he was already passing me. Still holding his cellphone, I did manage to get his picture just before he ran aground on the sand bar. Sidual fished him out, and we beat a hasty retreat.

Damn, Sidual looks twenty. Oh he`s tickled. He was really tired of acne, and I think he`s taller too. I hope we can get this straightened out before his mom gets home. Great, in the meantime Chatty has gone from starry eyed mumbler, to sticky faced toddler in the space of two days, and we`re left bringing him home naked again.
.......................Aquavelveta.................

Sunday, July 4, 2010

HOW DID I SPEND MY SUMMER VACATION?

Chatty misses the sheep. He`s taken to sudden, numerous naps, but when he`s awake he`s talking non-stop. Short straw or not it`s still my story. Sidual and I are writing as fast as we can, but instead of an explanation, we`re generating piles of rambling stories.







It`s a good thing Kevin forwarded us those pictures and text messages. Chatty`s weekend odyssey is starting to take shape, and what a shape?


The glacier carving through the Chocolate Hills behind him isn`t on any of our maps. We gathered from the texts that he was going home for Father`s Day. So How did his face end up on that temple? What temple, and how big is that chicken anyway? The few details found in the texts don`t reveal who took the pictures, and yet we found more hints in them than in the mounds of transcriptions.







Sitting on the floor sorting through piles and boxes of notes, Sidual looked forlorn. He complained desperately, "This is worse than trying to follow a drunken rabbit in a rainstorm with a bloodhound. Can`t we just backtrack the GPS from his car or phone?" "You know what this means," I said? "Road Trip!"
...............Aquavelveta...............

Saturday, June 19, 2010

"Catar Pulgas Num Leão"

I stand in the water on feet of clay. Walking alone across Alligator Alley one night, I was listening for alligators, hissing, dragging, maybe that deep rumbling roar. I didn`t expect to meet anyone.

Hell I can`t see my feet. The same cars lighting my way are also blinding me and hiding all the small sounds. With bare feet and empty pockets, I keep walking, not because I have a destination, I`m just scared to stop. The grass is almost to my knees. So it`s a good thing I have no luggage. Unless I get a ride I`ll be walking all night. The cars are going by fast and way too often for me to walk on the road. I`m walking as fast as I dare, so nothing will crawl up my leg. I`ve walked in the swamp before, it sucks (yer shoes off) and that`s in the daylight. I see someone coming the other way, featureless black, back-lit again and again by the cars, and now from one behind me, I can almost see a face.

We sat in the grass facing each other close enough to hear, far enough away to watch behind each other carefully. "I`ve walked this way before," he said. "It wasn`t far from here that I heard the water. I followed a mostly overgrown dirt road to pool of water with an oil well Christmas-tree out in the middle of it." It looked impossibly old. Water poured from the numerous large cracks. Unlike the somewhat fragrant swamp water, the water flowing from the pool was fresh, clean looking. He claimed the surrounding vegetation was smallish but healthy looking. On a whim he took off his glasses and washed his face in the pool. He said it felt so good he decided to have a drink.

As I sat there in the tall grass talking to a shadow, I thought, "Enjoy it, this is probably the only rest you`ll get tonight." Despite my many questions, I listened quietly as he continued,"I went down in the Keys and got a job cleaning fish at a bait store and began work on a sail boat built with no numbers." Yeah, I let that slide too, interesting yarn is way better than no yarn at all, and at least he wasn`t smelly (today). He told me the job wasn`t great but he enjoyed fooling around with the boat. He said after a while he wasn`t needing his glasses as much, and was generally feeling better than he had in years.

Even with someone watching my back, I was uneasy sitting in tall grass in the dark this close to the swamp. We`d lucked out some though. The breeze was strong enough to keep the skeeters from clouding around us. He mentioned Ponce DeLeon, and how cold and clean the water had been. He said, "During the Ice Age all of North America was covered with ice thousands of feet deep. The moving ice generated pressure and heat enough to keep some of the water at the surface liquid, and under enough pressure to drive that same water deep into the ground. Some of this water had been frozen for millions of years, its biological clock slowed or stopped, and then sequestered deep in the earth till geologic forces or in this case oil exploration brought it back to the surface."

Cool, we`d been sitting there quite for a while when he pointed at the silhouette of the cement plant not too far back the way he`d come."There`s a bucket with some canned food and an opener next to a post about hundred feet out a dirt road just this side-o the main entrance and you`re welcome to it," he said. I wasn`t really hungry, but I thanked him anyway. I was craving my own company so I got up to head on. "Yeah," he said, "I`m done with tha Keys; you stop by the bait store an tell 'em I sent ya. It ain't much of a boat but you`re welcome to it too," he added, and we went our separate ways.

It was a good ways to the cement plant, and, I gotta say I was pretty curious to see if the food was really there. Twenty minutes walking up and down the dirt roads on either side of the plant revealed no cans or bucket. Not too surprising, still it was a good story and the night`s walk was stretching out pretty long ahead of me. What tha hey, I struck out, watching the grass and listening for falling water (among other things). I walked all night, but I never saw a gator nor did I hear any falling water. It was a couple of days before I got down to the Keys. Nobody at the bait store he mentioned seemed to have heard of him.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

WHERE IS ROSWELL`S UFO


Mineral Comix and Buffalo Mao#47 have burst upon Flatware County riding a wave of revelation and controversy. Not unlike the tide in Banda Achi, a ground swell of consternation and surprise continues to build and swirl around Mineral Comix' recent release of more than a dozen heirloom archival photographs. For many this is the first glimpse of the Flatware County of the early 1800s. Too long lost in the gathering mists of forgetfulness, the world revealed in these recently rediscovered photos is both startling and familiar. Like the mighty herds of lope and whiffelo that once thundered across pre-settlement Flatware County, the stories and names associated with these photos were fading away, blurring like the echoes of a passing storm.



Page 13 of Buffalo Mao #47 deals specifically with proportionality. The photograph facing it contains what we believe to be the only existing photo of Roswell`s UFO. Only slightly more than half of it is revealed in this camp scene and we`re not sure of the date. This Photo of Custer and his dog Roswell has been at the center of a great deal of speculation. As revealed in this photograph, on occasion Roswell has been known to change size in relation with objects near him. Sometimes objects and even people in his immediate vicinity have been caught up in these transformations. There has been speculation that continued exposure to the "Roswell Effect" may have permanently affected Custer`s perception of relative size and occasionally even position. The offshoot of these changes were subtle, occasionally stepping above the top step, or releasing his coat just below the hook. Unfortunately, in the long run these perceptual changes proved more dangerous than anyone expected.


When Roswell arrived in New Mexico or how long he stayed, we have been unable to determine, however, his presence in Flatware County has been obvious since the mid 1800`s. The effects of his visits here are numerous and long term. There has been a lot of buzz lately about the petition circulating in Lake House to have him canonized as St Roswell, yeah.
Time will tell.



Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Hotpockalypse, Now?


Alright, this is the first scoop I`ve had in a while. A quick though discrete search of my most reliable sources hasn`t come up with the release date or even the directors name, though Angelina Anyway assured me the premier was well attended. To the best of our knowledge this, his third movie, is Jim Gaffigans first staring role. To Quote Miz Anyway, " Gaffigan`s haunting portrayal of the despotic Col Kurtz was unexpectedly natural. Squatted gazing into a roaring fire masticating vacantly on his Hotpocket as the sweat poured off his green and black face, he seemed oblivious to the clouds of insects swirling like a nimbus around his head." Hardly a saintly figure on the set, the enraged Gaffigan is said to have thrown an over-warmed hotpocket at one of the grips, who subsequently filed a grievance with his union rep. Angelina doesn`t buy it.

Aside from Miz Anyway`s glowing review and the reproduction of one of the posters above, this reporter hasn`t been able to find out much about this closet classic.
............Aquavelveta..........Arts and Entertainment