Saturday, September 24, 2011


  That's right, if you manage to step back in time, you best step away. Radar Rabbit couldn't and we're still finding pieces of him. Dr Emilio Lizardo (Lord Whorfin) and Buckaroo Banzai also found out the hard way. De Obertruster est not vithout unintended side effects. What you push into an other dimensional space isn't always what you get back. It cost Radar the best lab assistant he ever had, the same day she started work with him.

He pulled an envelope from his coat pocket and fished out a faded polaroid. This was her, Radar began, "She wasn't orange like that till just after lunch, and I wish you could have seen what she was doing with our computers. After lunch I called her up to the front face to see my favorite new exit. Welcome to to the Brier Patch, I said and bowed deeply while giving a this way gesture." She stepped boldly but carefully up to the double chalk lines the arrows designated as the brier patch. She seemed more thoughtful than surprised as she squinted into the bright sunlight high above the biggest sticker patch I've ever seen. "So how-do you back-fill a tunnel that ends in mid air?" Vic asked. "Ooo yeah," thought Radar, "That's gonna leave a mark. Oh man is she serious!"

   He admitted it was a jerk thing to do, but at the time it seemed harmless enough. As Vic began to turn away from the hole Radar grabbed the shoulders of her lab coat and thrust her out into the brilliant sun-light. "Saved your life," he said, and snatched her back. "Dam she looked surprised, and orange, and really scratched up. I could tell from the way she elbowed me in the face as she shook me off, that she was more than a little pissed. I hardly even felt it".

  "What happened, what did you see?" Radar asked, but got nothing. No really, she just smoothed out the shoulders of her lab coat and dusted herself off like it happened all the time. "Have you noticed how she squints a little when she's really ticked?" He asked. She disappeared before quitting time that day, without saying another word. Nobody saw her leave. "I really didn't think we'd ever see her again," Radar said. But like the English Wizard told Lord Thibault, "Time is like a mountain riddled with tunnels."  

Hmm, I see the hand of fate at work here. Damn, fate has a scar the same place I do. But wait, I haven't sent anyone to "The Brier Patch," yet. It sure isn't the kind of assignment Vic generally gets. She's always stayed in the background. Considering the sensitive and essential nature of her work for the DPP, we've been lucky to have her at all. Since her encounter with the Cheddar Swan she's avoided most public events. Granted, dressing to compliment a bright orange complexion must be a bit of a challenge.

 She says she thinks of it as a place to start, and now  prefers to be known as Cheddar Vic. Lately she's been night-editor, and has organized and re-organized my roll-top almost nightly. She was always thorough, but the way she's been  plundering the library recently, it's like she's running out of time. I'm not sure she even goes home anymore.

But dammit she's in all the pictures! It can't be, but she's right there. Argue with a pile of good photos some time. The lab coat really sets it off ya know. Nobody but Cheddar Vic can pull off that shade of orange. Stand down Johnny Storm. That's our Vic and she looks determined, and kinda scratched up too.

  Great what an assignment, "Go to the Brier Patch. Find your way  into this cave in Birminghan-past, and hook up with Radar Rabbit. Wear a lab coat. Oh yeah maybe wear some long pants, you're probably gonna to get scratched up." Well she's already been there, right?  According to the pictures Radar Rabbit slipped me at his press conference this morning, Cheddar Vic's due for a really long day.

"Yes you can," I told her and handed her a pass for the Gravy Boat Ferry at Fat Bottom. The coat looks great on you, and you hardly look pissed off at all. Where'd you get those scratches anyway? Alright, you've got an expense account, but watch out for anything served by a ladle. You could end up down there on a permanent assignment. We know you grow yer own, but you should probably keep it outta sight. With all the flooding caused by BP's (Buttry Pohne, Flatware County Engineer) relief wells earlier this year, all they've got are Gourdless phones.

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