Wednesday, October 5, 2011


  It's happened before. I awoke so full of comfort and contentment that whether or not I'd been dreaming was irrelevant. I spooked myself a little this time. I was trying so hard to imagine the little house I'd been working on, I kinda got lost in it for a moment. I was telling my friend Martin about this meditation, mantra, prayer. I was excited and couldn't decide how to describe it. I had a strong impression that if I could tell it right, Martin or anyone else who tried it would be able to access the same relief and comfort that had almost overwhelmed me when I had closed my eyes and gone through the motions. 

  We were sitting in the dark. I remember when he leaned forward he clasped my hand between his big warm-almost hot hands. I still couldn't quite see him. He seemed excited to be there, and glad I'd want to share my happy discovery with him. He was talking kinda fast and getting louder in his enthusiasm. I was concerned he would wake the neighbors, and shooshed him. We both continued talking in loud happy whispers, but now I was a little distracted. I was wondering what neighbors, what little house had I been working on, what porch were we sitting on? I began to notice my pillow, and my warm comfy covers. I was very wide awake, and didn't feel like I'd been asleep at all. I was really glad to have spent a little time with Martin. I could still feel how large, hot, and strong his hands had felt. The troubles I had put aside to go to sleep were like bad dreams that seem silly looked at  in the light of day.

  I was told years ago that Martin was dead. I had serious doubts even at the time, and said, "I'll be watching for him." Martin Williams had disappeared before, only to return in an almost impossibly simple manner.

   I was married in a botanical garden once. It turned out to be a shorter than ideal marriage. The wedding had been photographed in 3d. Martin was right in the middle of it all boisterous and grinning, as sunny as the garden. 3d pictures can take a long time to get processed. This time it took six months. There was some question whether there would still be a marriage, when the pictures finally came. 

  They did turn up while they were still relevant, and there was Martin in the middle of the crowd in the rose garden. The detail was great, it was sunny. You could see everybody till you tilted the picture and then like turning off a light Martin was gone. Tilt it back, there he was all smiles. I didn't see his smile tonight, but I was wrapped in his good humor as completely as my hands were dwarfed by his big, hot, strong hands. It was great to see ya Martin, I'll be watching for you.

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